Far Above Rubies

     What is your price? Well I’ve always said mine is far above rubies, which happens to be my birthstone. I found an interesting bit of information about the origin of birthstones.  The idea was derived from the breastplate for Aaron that had four rows with three gems representative of the twelve tribes of Israel. 

     Exodus 28: 15-21 "You are to make a breastpiece for use in making decisions, a the work of an artistic designer; you are to make it in the same fashion as the ephod; you are to make it of gold, blue, purple, scarlet, and fine twisted linen. It is to be square when doubled, nine inches long and nine inches wide. You are to set in it a setting for stones, four rows of stones, a row with a ruby, a topaz, and a beryl- the first row; and the second row, a turquoise, a sapphire, and an emerald; and the third row, a jacinth, an agate, and an amethyst; and the fourth row, a chrysolite, an onyx, and a jasper. They are to be enclosed in gold in their filigree settings. The stones are to be for the names of the sons of Israel, twelve, according to the number of their names. Each name according to the twelve tribes is to be like the engravings of a seal.

     That was not where I was going, but chances are I will go there deeper soon. In my heart I’d like to believe that I meet the standards of the Proverbs 31 woman, if I am honest with myself, I’ve got a long way to go. I’m still waiting to hear my children call me blessed. Now that my children are grown, one calls me anything but blessed and the other never even calls.  Funny thing there are other people’s children who feel that way about me, but the ones I gave birth to seem to take me for granted.

     Then something was revealed to me I’d never seen in the many times I’ve read this passage. This time what I read made me weep. Weep for all that I have never experienced. How was I to aspire to be a virtuous woman when the things required of her I don’t have in me and never had a husband who I could give me heart, mind, body and soul.

     I have been and will continue enjoying the festivities surrounding me with a wounded heart. One thing I found to be clear in my reading and understanding the woman, Lemeul’s mother, wanted for him. A woman worthy to be blessed is one who has a happy countenance.  

     So, now when I asked myself this question, I now have a heartfelt answer, my price is true happiness. But now my question is what must I do to acquire my deepest desire, happiness? I’ve endured many painful experiences and great losses that I have still not recovered from. Some hurts are so deep that to touch on them would send me into the deep darkness of depression. I’ve been able to disguise my pain, yet I’ve also been able to have fleeting moments joy, peace and semblance of rest.

     I will always continue to study and give all praise to God as I stand hopeful of the promise of a latter rain.  With the emotions and the truths I’ve come to see it was difficult to study. I don’t know that to strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman is what is to be my course, but I will continuously strive to be a woman who loves with all my heart, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.