The Mate Wait!?

I had a texting session with a friend and the topics of soul mates and love came up. It’s difficult for me at times to express things in a gentle manner because I feel the direct approach is more effective. After I reread what I said, it made me wonder if I’ve become so jaded that I don’t even understand what love is.

If asked to describe my love of family/friends it’s indescribable. They all know I may not be there physically, I’m reachable and at the ready if needed! Based on the three types of love this is my Agape Love club. I’ve never been very good with measurements, even in cooking I just put what feels right. Plus all those extra utensils mean more dishes I have to wash. Then I went back down memory lane (after I pinched myself for doing it), yet still moving into an unfixable area.

My two long term relationships were with men who’d been married and divorced/long separated. Honestly, I love both and not just because they fathered my child. Unfortunately they discovered too late they should have put a ring on it! I told them both I was blessed because I had the best of them to always have agape love for (well didn’t put it like that back then, but close).

Having come to my senses after a couple of decades of senselessness. The most profound wisdom was garnered after the birth of my baby boy. That’s when it hit me, I was being the most disobedient child sitting in the front of the church. Many Sunday mornings crying at the altar asking for forgiveness only to surrender to my flesh and do what I’d just asked forgiveness for. After I don’t know how many failed reconciliations with the father of my youngest I convinced myself a serious change was necessary.

So, I began this diligent quest to become a good helpmate. It wasn’t my desire to be a single mother, so I sought Godly advice from the wonderful examples at my disposal. I began to observe and learn from those with more than 10 years of marriage. Some I even asked how they did it.

I have always had my doubts about the existence of a soul mate. Then 15 years ago at a women’s retreat it was prophesied I would not marry until my children were grown. The years whizzed by and still no mate. Out of frustration I’d began my new mantra, I’ll never get married. A different level of acceptance of the prophetic word intensified the jading process with each passing year. So convinced the fruit of my lips is surely coming to pass. I even resurrected “Nobody Supposed To Be Here”, which had been my theme song from the moment I heard it.

I believe in this life I’ve been blessed to have soul ties with some pretty amazing people. You know your soul tied to someone when no wrong can end the connection. The Agape Love Club people! The group of people who have helped me accept being singular and unique. There was something about my words that caused me go to the word for clarity. I searched the Bible for any reference to the phrase or combination of soul mate, I found none.

The recollection of a story from Greek mythology made me begin to dig more. I’m going collapse it here from my memory as best I can. There was a being that had four legs and arms with two heads; in my memory I picture conjoined twins. For some reason Zeus got angry and cut the being in half and threw them to different ends of the world. This caused them to roam and search for each other to be made whole.

This idea became even more prevalent in the early 19th century when it was used in several works of poetry and prose. Then the new age religions grabbed hold of this and everyone was on a quest to find their soul mate, their yin to their yang and of course their better half. The archetype is depicted in movies of the 20th century. The idea became so ingrained in our psyche’s almost every modern day religion will speak on this.

Okay, yes I’m going to go here with this. First of all each of us has a singular soul/psyche. The meaning of soul is the spiritual part of a person that is believed to give life to the body. When the Lord blew the breath of life into man and decided man needed a helpmate. He took from a whole man, leaving him whole with the knowledge a part was missing. What strikes me the most is the rib of the man was so full of God. Unless I’ve miss read Genesis about creation; when God formed man he breathed life into him.

When the need for a woman was determined a rib was removed and woman was formed and brought to man. There was no need for a second breathe for the creation of a whole woman, she just has a little extra bone. The uniting of these souls/living beings with a covenant of marriage made them a husband and a wife (soul mates??). The idea of a covenant has become more like a conventional business contract. Easily bound together and easy to become loosed from.

Now one thing about the English language is some words have multiple definition based on how it is used in a sentence. So when I looked up mate I had to say I was beginning to think I had taken on a topic too deep for me to even deal with. Well not one to back down or quit. I pushed forward. Now, mate can be a noun and defined as “an exact duplicate, one of a pair and marriage partner.” As a verb the definition is “engage in sexual intercourse, bring two objects, ideas, or people together”. Oh there are many other meanings, but these are the only ones relevant.

When I think of a mate in those terms I think more of shoes or gloves. Anyway I personally don’t want an exact duplicate, but that is just me. The biggest requirement most leave out when that find themselves wrapped up in Eros is to wrap it around with Agape – the love of God towards us – before entering into a marriage. Mistaking Philos love for a long lasting emotion and getting yoked up.

Divorce is so easily obtained and shockingly there has been an influx of long term marriages dissolving. It’s difficult not to be a little envious of those who have maintained long term marriage, heck for me just to get married is awesome. It also makes me very happy I was afforded all this time to learn how to do it right when the opportunity comes my way.

Having learned it's better to be yoked equally spiritually, intellectually and emotional maturity. Oh, I just want to throw in here I detest the idea of a pre-nup. Talk about doomed from the start. If I don’t trust in my heart the person I wed is not sent and suited for me I’m not going to become one; one who thinks more highly of material.

Okay, this is the longest blog to date and I’m still not finished, but am going let this sink in for now. Too much Tuesday! Smooches~~