Knock, Knock!

Happy Friday! It was a whopping 18° yesterday morning and the ground was covered with snow. My day began with a knocking at my door at 6:00 am. I most certainly wasn’t expecting anyone and definitely not at that hour. Even though I was awake it was too early and too cold, but I got out of the comfort of my warm bed and went to answer. I looked out my window and no one was there, so I opened the door to see if maybe someone had left something at the door and found nothing except fresh undisturbed snow.

My imagination went crazy with this and my spiritual mind got carried away. I’ve been praying, as I usually do, mostly because I don’t know how else to get through, and that voice in my head whispered “Behold, I stand at the door and knock”. Well, to me this was a sign. A sign that I’d been keep God outside while I tried to fix things on my own. With all my ranting, anger and stubborn attitude I had grieved the Holy Spirit.

I can’t remember now exactly where I heard this, but it ran through my mind. Someone once said the Holy Spirit will not come where he is not invited. I know this is not scripture, but it made complete sense to me yesterday morning. I do recall reading in scripture that the spirit is subject to the prophet, but a prophet I am not.

The day proceeded with phone calls and texts from friends needing my assistance, voice or just a sounding board. All I could do was chuckle. It was clear to me this disappointment had affected more than my mind, heart, faith and will, but it had been a means of blocking my connection with the Holy Spirit.

Yes, my faith had been shattered, but my connection had been too. To express my thankfulness that I have a heavenly father who forgives me 7x70 times. It makes me wonder what the day would have been like had I not opened that door. Even if it may seem like a strange thing to some it was very symbolic and healing for me. To be honest, inside I didn’t care about where I stood with God because I felt like my faith and belief were a waste of time. My hopes, desires and prayers were of no consequence.

I was teetering on the cliff of giving up wanting more than what was on the table in front of me. No longer feeling the desire to strive for anything more because the loss rendered me feeling more unworthy of anything better than what I could obtain under my own power.

Then I had the most amazing conversation with my baby boy. When he shared one simple thing I began to weep. He told me to stop worrying and give it to God and since he gave all his worries to God things have just fallen into place. All I could say was out of the mouths of babes. Here was my baby being a voice of reason and encouragement. All because I open a door! Surrendered Saturday! Smooches~~