Got the Music in Me!

     Thanksgiving Day had begun with listening to the new Fred Hammond and one of the songs got me going as I prepared to go to be with my other family here in New Mexico. I had made up my mind I wasn’t going to allow the things I miss to keep me from enjoying this holiday. It was actually easily obtained with the company and the fabulous meal.

     I decided I needed to start my morning with a replay of “I Will Trust”, as usual Fred Hammond did not disappoint. All nine cuts are good (added to my Christmas wish list).   Taking advantage of the holiday, I was also enjoying the best apple-caramel-pecan pie with my coffee. I began my regular Friday routine with a little different direction.  Because music is a part of me, deep in my soul. The study took me back further back than I had considered. My love of music almost leads me to believe my lineage is connected to Jubal, son of Lamech and Adah. Jubal meaning the father of all those who play the harp and the flute. Translated to the father of all music. Genesis 4:16-18.

     When I began looking up the name Jubal, all I kept thinking about was the word jubilation. I wanted to be jubilant and find every reason I could to rejoice for this day of giving thanks. Music has played an immense role in my life. From my desire to sing to writing while listening to a good mixture of my favorite gospel. My love is music and my passion is the written word, so for me putting them together…priceless.

     I have gone so far as to have playlists for all my moods. I have my pick me up list, writing music, get your praize on, back in the day and love songs. It didn’t surprise me to find music is mentioned in the Old Testament eighteen times and twice in the New Testament for doing exactly what I had been do my entire life. Growing up in Motown…yeah baby!  

     I’m not sure if it was the excess sugar this morning or what actually brought me to this amazing revelation. Not sure why it wasn’t clearer before. All the HOURS I spent yelling at the Lord I had to sound like nails across a chalkboard. Then a confirmation came as the light bulb went on - Kirk Franklin’s “Reason Why I Sing!”

     I wasn’t sure which direction this was going to go, but I knew the message is always first to me! Psalm 149:1-6a “Praise ye the Lord. Sing unto the Lord a new song, and his praise in the congregation of saints. Let Israel rejoice in him that made him: let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp. For the Lord taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation. Let the saints be joyful in glory: let them sing aloud upon their beds. Let the high praises of God be in their mouth,”

     Whether my voice is scratchy or I miss a note I’m grateful for the lesson. It is not so strange that the one thing I find annoying is exactly how I’m treating my Provider. Thankful for the love which pushes me past ineffective to productively moving in my purpose.

     So no longer will my high notes have the undertones of despair, loneliness and disappointment, but with a lifted voice I sing a new song of thanks. Thankful for the glimpse of what was and what is now. Not letting my memories out weight my awesome present. Surrounded by love, mercy, grace, peace, laughter and music!

All I can do is shake my head it took me this long to grasp such a simple concept. Better late than never, I suppose. Just singing a new song Friday! Smooches~~

Giving Thanks!

Alone, alone in this desolate place. Praying for the day I will once again see your face.

        The thoughts I share here are from the center of my heart and the slow burning in my soul. Painfully, I have to admit I had the most over blown pity party ever. There is not a day I don’t wake and give thanks. I don’t just do it once a year. This year for me the holidays were a dark cloud dissipating into 2014 holiday blues.  I’ve had these blues before, but this time it sucker punched me that I am alone!!

        One of the things I was able to do with my children was establish tradition. I would look forward to the hours in the kitchen chopping, cutting, mixing and tasting to some sweet gospel tunes (Fred Hammond or the Winans, most likely).  A home full of the robust aromas of roasting turkey, stuffing, collards, mac and cheese, rolls, sweet potato pie and peach cobbler.  The blaring noise of college football and commentators bubbly descriptions of the floats and marching bands of parades.  Walls dripping love with vibrations of laughter.

       It didn’t matter if we were going to Uncles or Aunties house for the day, the next day we had our family meal. It was usually eaten in the living room watching more football or some action movie. Dessert was the precursor to napping and my escape to the solitude of my room.  To comfortably fall asleep with the background sounds of my sons creeping in the kitchen for thirds and bickering over the cobbler.  Dreaming of the wonderful sounds of holiday love filling the air.

          Not this year and after I crept from under the blanket of despair, I caught myself humming. “Give thanks with a grateful heart. The humming turns to whispered singing. “Give thanks to the Holy One, Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son, And now let the weak say, "I am strong" Let the poor say, "I am rich, Because of what the Lord has done for us" Give thanks”

          I would to say that ended my pity party and I was totally revitalized, but that’s not at all how the week progressed. My well of tears was still very ready to spill and it did. A few more nights of rehashing my past, present and future. Speaking very harshly, no yelling at God to fix this mess I was calling my life. A life I’ve been believing God had called for his purpose.

          Believe it or not then I heard this voice asking me, well if that’s what you believe then why all the juvenile behavior?  I couldn’t even come up with a good answer. Being a single mother I learned how to keep it together, mostly.

          It was even difficult write about my pain, so I cried myself to sleep. Then it hit me! I’d stopped believing God could consider me worthy of anything I had dreamed about. To some degree I was giving up on my dreams and stopped hoping for more than what I had, because I was getting what I deserved.

         I had to get on my face and cry out to Him. I wanted to be worthy, to serve him, to speak into the lives of others, but how could I do that, when I am so bound up by my life circumstances. Then this scripture popped into my head:

Romans 7:22-25 “For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.  Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.” 

          Honestly, this really didn’t help me feel any better until I read a little further.  Romans 8:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” 

         This gave me a little solace, because all I want to do is serve God and be the best servant I can. To learn to stop condemning myself before him and work more diligently. The idea was like a PowerPoint presentation. One more reason to be thankful!! The ability to have opportunity to share is simple. I’ve become such a Facebook junkie to expand was never a thought; until now.

         I heard clearly Blog. It doesn’t matter if anyone reads my words, I have to be obedient and share. To some it may seem like a logical answer. Well, maybe it is, but for me this venue is a step of stretching my faith. Removing the walls I’ve been hiding behind and give what is in my heart to share.

          It’s incredible how often I forget when I do what is asked the things I need are taken care of. My feelings of being alone are still there, but this past week I was reminded, even in this place, I am surrounded with love. Thankfully the blues have faded and a new journey has begun, as I step.

I hope everyone reading this has a safe, festive and lovefilled Thanksgiving! Smooches~~