I’ve been privileged to have a very wide circle of friends as I’ve traveled. One thing that has been plaguing me is how easy it is to slip into bad behavior. Then as I was praying the one thing that kept running through my mind is, “It’s okay, just repent”. Then I began to lean to my own understanding and then I heard very clearly, “Stop using my grace and my love as an excuse to continue to commit sin. See, in my leaning I was stretching the last half of Psalms 119:11 “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.”
This now forced me to take a long look at who I was surrounding myself with, how I was walking into my ministry and if I was failing my God miserably. I could and have used the excuse that Moses was a murder, David was an adulterer and a murderer, Paul was a crooked tax collector; yet God still saw fit to use them. Well one thing I know is I love the Lord and my strongest desire, even above my writing, is to serve him!
It is easy to memorize scripture and quote scripture, but in my getting I’m finally getting the understanding. Colossian 1:9 “For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;” I know that for some the only bible or example of Christ they’ll ever know is by watching my actions and reactions.
How in the world had I allowed the old (wo)man to resurrect? When in my heart I believed back in 1989; Romans 6:6 “Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.” I wore this scripture out repeating it, hoping and praying I could be a better example. Before I had even realized or accepted God had called me according his purpose, I wanted and strived to be a good girl.
My desire was to be able to fulfill John 14:12 ” Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.” Because I believed, I wanted to be able to follow after Christ, cast out demons, heal the sick and bring others into salvation.
I didn’t want to be like the fig tree and not bear fruit at the appointed time. I knew the only way to do that was to hunker down and yet here I was some twenty-five years later and it seemed I was no closer to being pleasing to God nor really ready to call myself ready for the ministry.
Because my struggle was being able to keep my steps and behavior in line with the woman I wanted to be. I won’t try to blame my failures on the devil or peer pressure, but my lack of self-discipline. It became apparent every year I studied that the word is more accurate than anything I’d ever tried to learn. My biggest issue now was how I was conducting myself and how my language usage was less than acceptable for me, let alone God.
Again, my desire was to not just talk the talk, but truly walk the walk. 1 Peter 3:10-12 “For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it. For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil.”
I have chosen to ask a friend to help keep me accountable and now I fully understand Mark 7:15 “There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man” So no matter how difficult or how weird or peculiar I may seem I purpose to no longer allow my peers or environment to keep me defiling the beautiful temple God has blessed me with. Working every day to tame the mightiest member James 3:5-6 “Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell”.
Because the word is a source of hope I found peace and sound instructions, I now have a wonderful directive to keep in my head as I work on matching my walk with my talk. James 3:8-13 “But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh. Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.”. Fixing it Friday! Smooches~~
Friday, January 9, 2015
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Out Of The Mouth Of My Baby!
My year has started out with multiple challenges and I have to admit these challenges gave me pause. I tried to figure out why, what and how I was going to make it through this test. Just when a wonderful opportunity presented itself, my means to move into this opportunity were being diminished.
To say I accepted this blow with grace and faith would be an outright lie! For a moment I was drenched with fear, sadness, and immense doubt in the vision God gave me about this year. These challenges are not insurmountable, but it made opportunity seem to be being pulled out of my grasp. The chance to do the one thing I love is all I’ve been asking God to give me.
These last few years I’ve had many hours of self-reflection in trying to determine what my true purpose is and why I wake up every day. Admittedly, it seems each time I feel I’m getting closer to accomplishing a goal the challenges or distractions cause me to slip into complacency. The vigor in which I was trying to move into my purpose or what I perceive as my purpose was becoming stunted.
I’ve known since I was a little girl I was meant to write and teach. The games we played I was always the teacher. I would make up homework sheets and lesson plans. As a young girl I always knew I was smart and school was pretty easy for me. It makes me smile when I reminisce of the days when my older sister would have me help her with her homework. The one memory that sticks out is when my sister was in high school taking French, she had me help her. I had no business at ten years old doing that, but I found it was easy.
For so many years I tried to be like my sister until she reminded me she was the pretty one and I was the smart one. Yes, I was a chunky geek or nerd and did whatever I could to try to fit in. It never occurred to me these things were a gift I should be proud of. Mostly, because I was ostersized by my peers and disassociated myself from family because I never felt a part of them.
All of this made me a veracious reader. One of my favorite classes was Mrs. Edwards’ Library Class because it gave me access to books about everything. I devoured Greek mythology, Egyptian, German, Roman and African American History. At one point I wanted very much to be an archeologist, but my knee issues dashed that.
Sorry I digress, anyway I was feeling a little hopeless and discouragement was trying to creep in. Then I was watching Bishop TD Jakes and hope began to bubble as the tears began to fall. I had to figure out what was holding me back from walking into my destiny. His message was just what God ordered to help me refocus and revive my thought process.
The blessing and signs didn’t stop there. A couple of hours later I get a call from my pride and joy, my baby boy. This child of mine has always been a source of strength for me and this conversation was no different. My son became the parent and the encourager I needed at this moment. He reminded me not to allow anything to crush my dreams! He shared his testimony of getting his car after five years of stating he would have it. His positive outlook made me so proud of him and renewed my heart. He reminded me of all the times I had shared a few of my desires and how they came to pass.
All I kept hearing in my head was my favorite scripture Isaiah 40:31. So, I will continue walk and not faint and soon, very soon I will soar like an eagle as I wait on God to fulfill his words to me; that my dream shall be fulfilled in 2015. Stepping Sunday! Smooches~~
To say I accepted this blow with grace and faith would be an outright lie! For a moment I was drenched with fear, sadness, and immense doubt in the vision God gave me about this year. These challenges are not insurmountable, but it made opportunity seem to be being pulled out of my grasp. The chance to do the one thing I love is all I’ve been asking God to give me.
These last few years I’ve had many hours of self-reflection in trying to determine what my true purpose is and why I wake up every day. Admittedly, it seems each time I feel I’m getting closer to accomplishing a goal the challenges or distractions cause me to slip into complacency. The vigor in which I was trying to move into my purpose or what I perceive as my purpose was becoming stunted.
I’ve known since I was a little girl I was meant to write and teach. The games we played I was always the teacher. I would make up homework sheets and lesson plans. As a young girl I always knew I was smart and school was pretty easy for me. It makes me smile when I reminisce of the days when my older sister would have me help her with her homework. The one memory that sticks out is when my sister was in high school taking French, she had me help her. I had no business at ten years old doing that, but I found it was easy.
For so many years I tried to be like my sister until she reminded me she was the pretty one and I was the smart one. Yes, I was a chunky geek or nerd and did whatever I could to try to fit in. It never occurred to me these things were a gift I should be proud of. Mostly, because I was ostersized by my peers and disassociated myself from family because I never felt a part of them.
All of this made me a veracious reader. One of my favorite classes was Mrs. Edwards’ Library Class because it gave me access to books about everything. I devoured Greek mythology, Egyptian, German, Roman and African American History. At one point I wanted very much to be an archeologist, but my knee issues dashed that.
Sorry I digress, anyway I was feeling a little hopeless and discouragement was trying to creep in. Then I was watching Bishop TD Jakes and hope began to bubble as the tears began to fall. I had to figure out what was holding me back from walking into my destiny. His message was just what God ordered to help me refocus and revive my thought process.
The blessing and signs didn’t stop there. A couple of hours later I get a call from my pride and joy, my baby boy. This child of mine has always been a source of strength for me and this conversation was no different. My son became the parent and the encourager I needed at this moment. He reminded me not to allow anything to crush my dreams! He shared his testimony of getting his car after five years of stating he would have it. His positive outlook made me so proud of him and renewed my heart. He reminded me of all the times I had shared a few of my desires and how they came to pass.
All I kept hearing in my head was my favorite scripture Isaiah 40:31. So, I will continue walk and not faint and soon, very soon I will soar like an eagle as I wait on God to fulfill his words to me; that my dream shall be fulfilled in 2015. Stepping Sunday! Smooches~~
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