From January 2014

I spent the weekend going through my journals and I found this was necessary to share again. 

From January 2014 - As I was sharing with my friend about how some days it was very difficult being saved and single, it began to make sense more why I kept hearing “this broken vessel” yesterday.  When I made a decision to keep myself for my potential husband, I was also in the beginning stages of God healing me from recent hurts and many of the past hurts I had closed up in a hope chest; waiting for a chance to throw them away for good.  The best way to describe how I was feeling is to give this visual. A puzzle with only the edges pieced together, but even all the edges were not yet connected.  The middle of 2013 the edges had finally been connected and the insides were slowly being put in the proper place.  As a single woman it is not easy for me to go through some things alone.  Not that I am lonely, it would just be nice to have a strong Godly man to lean on so I can be the weaker vessel. Because I have been single pretty much my entire adult life, it was getting pretty old crying on my own shoulder, or that of one of my life long girlfriends.  I am thankful for all of them, but I’m just saying it would be nice have a man to tell me everything would be alright.  I’ve never been one to not have men pursuing me and the ones I allowed to catch me would have to really be something special.  Even the ones that were allowed to be close would be only allowed certain access to any parts of me.  But the ones who made the cut, so to speak, knew they were not husband material for me. Yeah, I said it, there are men out there I actually told they were not husband material.  Because even in my disobedience I knew I needed to be with a disciplined man of God; with whom I was equally yoked in every aspect!!  Anyway I said all that to say the last relationship, physical, was now four years ago and I was still not healed.  I was still nursing the wounds and missing the man I thought I loved.  I walked away because our lives were set on different sides of the country.  He loves the south and I hate it.  I love the west coast and he didn’t want to leave the life he had in the south.  Of the four years I spent two of them crying pretty much every day. By the third year the tears had lessened, but when they did come they would last for a few days. It was this morning in prayer the Lord told me I needed to sever that soul tie.  The Lord also told me that until I let go of the hurts and let him be the bond in the cracks of my heart; then I would only draw men who were not husband material.  Because I’m not getting younger and I want to have a loving physical relationship with my husband I asked the Lord to help me understand and how to fix this mess I was in.  I refuse to live another year all strewn out on a table waiting with unconnected edges.  The answer I received was so clear and so precise it made me laugh.  Pool of Bethesda!!  God let me see the angel stirring up the pool and told me very clearly all I needed to do was to cut and dip. So I closed my eyes and ceremonially I saw myself cut the soul tie with that man and I ran to the pool and slowly submerged myself.  Well I will let you know how things turn out because I’m still submerged.  I want to make sure the water gets into every crack, hole and pushes through blockages.

Dream a little dream!

While I was enjoying the solitude and my CSI Miami marathon yesterday, I couldn’t help but praise God for all joy and peace I now have. The best part of spending time in praise is the download of wisdom. My heart and my mind were setting an exhaustive pace. It was as if I could see the open door before me hear a voice tell me it was time to walk through it.

Routinely, logon to my Pandora station first song was “We Acknowledge You” and my scripture for the day is 2Timothy 2:15 but not in KJV “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.”

It was like music to my ears when I heard clear as a bell, follow me and I will lead you to your dream in 2015. I reached up my hands and said “Yes, I will follow and I’m ready to take my rightful position. No matter how difficult. I’m standing with my shield of faith held high. Knowing all the wisdom given to me these last few years has made me ready for the step.

For years I felt as if the only thing I could use to carry me through was the knowledge that God understood because of Proverbs 13:12” Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.” Because He is aware of the losses; heartache; path changes; slip ups; failures; successes and the feelings of being inadequate.

Not wanting to accept that I was the only thing keeping my destiny from being complete. I was allowing my thoughts of what my mirrored reflection made visible through my impaired vision. Not applying Philippians 4:13” I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”, ignoring “Whom he calls He equips”

The freedom of reaching my hands in praise and my vision was wide opened. Following him and being able to know without a doubt God had hear my cries and turned my sadness into joy. Peace flooded my soul, reassured my steps are ordered by God. Knowing I was more open to his voice than ever before.

With a renewed sense of self and purpose I heard the voice that has been my compass for so long, tell me clearly keep following me and I will lead you to your dream in 2015. With a renewed attitude, with no regrets of yesterday, moving towards a hope deferred with a healthy heart. Hoping many will come along for the ride. Fixed Friday! Smooches~~

My Gift!

It seems only appropriate to give all Praise and Honor to Jesus today, after all this day is supposed to be about his birth. As I celebrated with friends yesterday, I realized once again this season is all about the opening of our hearts and spreading those feelings on to the ones who share our lives.

More than sharing, giving, receiving, and eating goodies. More than singing the traditional Christmas Carols. This is a day set aside to give extra thanks to the one who gives me hope and life.  The one thing I feel led to share is this:

Jesus is not in the Manger

Jesus is not on the Cross

Jesus is alive in my heart, mind and soul and I do my best to share all that He’s blessed me to share. I don’t have great financial wealth, but I have exceedingly above amounts of Love and compassion!

As I watched the sun come up, I found myself singing, not a Christmas Carol, but “We Acknowledge You” by Karen Clark-Sheard. It was as I was dipping my tea bag, I accepted fully why I’m here. My ministry is to share all the spirit endows in the words of knowledge.

I’m not here to tickle the ears, I’m here to shift the mind sets and bring about a change in the lives of those who want to know more. I love the Lord with all my heart and it is this love that allows me to open more and more to his voice and the knowledge He gives.

Allowing my mind to drift to the tests which have become many testimonies of hope, faith and love, I find a deeper Love of God for me. When I think about this love it makes taking steps of faith even easier. It makes me want not just more of Him, but to be more like Him every day.

One thing I’ve become used to is this is not an easy task. My heart goes out to those who have dedicated their lives to spreading the Gospel, the sacrifices they must make, and the ridicule they withstand.

Some think the confession of faith means all of a sudden you are to be flawless, but the truth is the flaws make us more useful to God. The demonstration of God using the foolish to confound those who believe themselves to be wise. Those who judge everything by a barometer only they are in possession of and a platform they themselves can’t even measure up to.

It used to bother me when I’d make a human error and the harsh voices saying, “Well just what kind of Christian are you?” My answer to those who feel I’m not able to make mistakes or succumbed to my flesh because of my bold proclamation of faith of an unseen God – I was born in sin and shaped in iniquity, but I press towards being a better human being and sharing the lessons I’ve learned as I strive to be more like the Savior I follow.

When I proclaim I’m a Christian it is not to boast or brag, not to be held up to a different standard, but to do all I can to overcome my weaknesses and my flaws. Not even to strive for perfection because I know there is none perfect but the father.  Submitting my whole self to a Life giving God who has kept me here to fulfill my purpose in giving him my first fruits and my complete love and devotion, even in the midst of my pain, sin and moments of diminished faith.

I want to encourage everyone to keep running the race and hold fast your profession because only He can and will judge your end! To that end, I wish everyone a Glorious and Merry Christmas! Smooches~~

Tis the TRUTH about Christmas!

Today I want to discuss one of my pet peeves about the celebration and the hoopla of Christmas. First let me deal with the Manger. It is a beautiful sentiment and it pains me that not one Christmas pageant tells the story correctly. Again, the world has dominated a biblical event and distorted the truth and the complacence of Christians have allowed this lie to be told year after year.

The images of the birth of Jesus are of Mary and Joseph in an open manger and gifts being presented by three kings. Well if you’ve ever read Matthew chapter 2 and Luke chapter 2, it would be obvious how off these images are.

Luke chapter 2 tells of the birth of Jesus and the first to come to the manger were shepherds. They brought no gifts other than their praise and gave glory to God. There is no mention anywhere in this chapter that says they followed the star, they were told of the birth by Angels.

Matthew chapter 2 tells the story of the wise men and how Harod brought these men and requested they return once they found this young child so he could worship. When the wise men saw Jesus they went to the house of Mary and Joseph where they presented three specific gifts.

These two stories have been intertwined and distorted to what is now a mainstay in the Christmas pageantry of today. Then to top it off, this story has been linked with the practices of Paganism. What Christians don’t realize is the history of how Christians got mixed in with the Pagans.

History tells us that in the attempts to convert the Pagans to Christianity they incorporated some of the traditions as a way of giving comfort and show their willingness to combine the Pagan practices and traditions.  The integration of the tree comes from 17^th century German traditions.

These practices are so readily accepted because the beliefs are considered similar, but in truth Christianity has invited Paganism/Witchcraft into a day which should be holy and set aside to give thanks for the birth of Christ.

I must admit when my children were young I enjoyed doing all the hoopla and presenting gifts to glean the laughter, joy and fun for my children. To see the excitement in their eyes and receiving all the hugs and thanks made me feel good.  What I never thought about was the truth.

The tree is acceptable because somewhere the cross is sometimes referred to as the tree Jesus was hung on.  My question today is when are Christians going to stop conforming and start transforming the world to the truth of God and his goodness?

Because I have not yet shaken off these traditions and am going to spend time with friends in celebrating. If you are really wanting to worship God in spirit and in truth; I admonish you to take the time to do some research and soul searching for yourself. Wrecking myths Wednesday. SMOOCHES~~

Wake-up Call!

It is amazing what comes from spending time in prayer and studying the Word. The news has been bombarded with hate and killings; race being the motivator. All I keep hearing over and over again is pray. Then I heard, it is time for the dead in Christ to rise. 1Thesselonions 4:16 “For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:”

I read this scripture and asked the Lord why he was pointing me to this particular verse. What I heard shocked me and made me think really hard. All I kept hearing is the dead in Christ must rise. This really threw for a loop because I had always been taught this verse was pertaining to the end times. Then I heard this is the end times and it is time for the dead in Christ to rise.

If you are asking what the heck I’m talking about, let me try to explain all that I heard. For the last three decades there has been a serious amount of death in the church. The shepherds have been doing exactly what Jesus was angered by when he went a little ballistic in the Temple. Matthew 21:15-16 “And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves, And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves.”

The larger church leaders are not just standing in the pulpit teaching, most are writing ministry helps books, touring around the world teaching and selling their goods. Don’t get me wrong, I admire some of the prominent Preachers and Teachers, but the truth is the truth. No matter how anyone tries color it the Church has taken on too many of the characteristics of the world. Many even confess from the pulpit that church is a business. Romans 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

The other side of it is because a Church is considered a Non-profit, unless the Leader has a LLC, or Corporation, etc., for the items being sold they are then doing exactly as Jesus said, making the house of God a den of thieves. We have to abide by the laws and rules of the land, but bending them will make us no better than how the world perceives Christians.

Let me preface what I’m about to share with one thing, I tithe and don’t believe it is always about money. If the church would wake up then there would be less hurting and struggling members. If some of the mega churches took some of the funds and followed the guidelines set for us in Malachi 3:10-12. The church should be a place not just for us to worship and praise God, but it should also be a place for the needy to come get the needs met.

From personal experience I found this not to be so with a few of the mega churches. I personally was in a situation with my children and when I sought help from two of the mega churches and was told by one because I wasn’t a tithing member they couldn’t help; the other told me they would help but I’d have to attend a four week class for membership. Both ministries did offer to pray for me, but at that point I needed a place for me and my children. I was hurt and thankfully the prayers helped, but the hurt…hummm.

Now if as a Christian I was turned away and felt extremely discouraged and disappointed; I can only imagine what a non-believer must feel and think about Christians. To be honest, it is only my thinking, if the church did what it was intended to do we’d have no need for the billions of nonprofit agencies or wait until December to have the “Spirit of Christmas”.

Wake up Christians!!! Jesus came for us to have life and we are walking around like Zombies and going through motions dictated by misconstrued information. Focused on material gain and keeping up with the media propaganda. Keep in mind being dead is not just being in the grave, but being dead to the needs of other, dead to giving, dead to truth and dead to joy. Too many are sleep among us and when you're asleep you are not praying. Praying for the conditions in our country and putting faith into action and doing the right things for Jesus without expecting something in return.

This made me think about WWJD fad that sprung up a few years ago. If you ask me I think Jesus would once again weep. I think he would tare through some of these churches and tell them to get it together. We need to find a way to not just cross over the color line but the denomination lines and find a way to be united in these perilous times.

I’ll end my rant here and hope not to offend, but truth is truth and offences will come. If I’m incorrect, then I ask the Lord to correct my thinking. The thing here is for the last few days all I keep hear is it is time for the dead to rise and the sleeping to wake up. So, Ephesians 5:14Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.  Truthful Tuesday. Smooches~~

Not My Battle!

As the holiday approaches I’m still fighting to keep my tears at bay. It’s not easy to go into a holiday set aside to give Glory for the birth of my Savior when there is so much in the news about the still ever present racial divide on this earth.

The hardest thing about recent events is I believe in my heart the issue of race will never be eradicated. It is in the news here in the US every day, but there are issues in other countries as well.

I’ve searched and searched for an answer as to why there are specific races or religious groups feel supreme. Being African American makes me feel like Justice is just not for us all the time. I’ve been really silent about all these recent events and maybe have been in denial just a little. Maybe because I’ve been blessed to have not been touched so often by racism.

The part about all of this is the lack of unity of religious groups. The fault lies hundreds of years ago when men used religion to imprison, to start wars and to control.  Historically, the biggest culprit of bastardizing the word is the Catholic Church. The early Popes concern was not about spreading love and teaching of God, but of keeping people under their thumb, gaining wealth and notoriety.

It isn’t a surprise oppression brought out rebellion and birthed scholars like Martin Luther and john Calvin bringing forth anger and causing a divide. The beginning of discord began well before the idea of religion even came into play. If the truth be told Cain and Able were the start of men becoming enemy with one another.

The root of the enmity in most cases is the based in jealousy and covetousness. Wars fought because one man or group don’t want another to supersede them. The results were wars and battles were riches, but not the intention of the battle. Since my goal is to speak truth and to so that truth through the word.

It could be said the divide became greater when Nimrod, a great hunter before God, began to believe he was a great or greater than God, Deuteronomy 10:9. It was his actions that caused God to be angered to the point all language became confounded.

The Philistines because of one man Goliath, felt superior because of his size. He taunted and bullied the Israelites and a war was being fought. This wasn’t ever a fair fight for the Israelites, but they stood their ground and God proved to men that size doesn’t mean victory.

The one thing I’ve found to be prevalent throughout the word is the one thing the devil has been successful at doing; causing division, separation and strife with God’s creation. The devil didn’t stop there and he gained a foothold from the very beginning when he caused Eve to take from the tree of knowledge.  God told Satan because of this act and his jealousy, Genesis 3:17 there would always be strife. It seems to me the devil took it one step further and by the looks of things he has been successful. Our world is full of bigotry, racial divide, hate, hopelessness, hostility and greed.

All of this has cause tremendous doubt in there being a God. One thing I have faith in is that God is in control. I’ve heard time and time again, there is nothing new under the sun and God changes not Hebrews 13:8.

So I don’t have to get all worked up about things God is taking care of. These things will continue and probably get worse before it gets better, but this is not my battle and my job in this mess is to pray. To believe with all my heart Isaiah 57:17 No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.

I may feel the sorrows of the events occurring around me, but I have faith no matter what happens; 2Corinthians 10:3-5.  For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

 So to be obedient and follow the instructions I’ve been given, I am praying without ceasing and trusting this battle will be as God has planned. Made up mind Monday! Smooches~~

Holiday Love

Soul sore steps taken!

     Sometimes it is necessary to allow yourself to purge, whether it be physical or emotional.  I had made a choice to find a way to no longer suppress my sadness, I wanted to shake off the funk. Then taking the steps for what has become my usual Sunday routine, got my tea, had my bible and was tuned into The Potter’s House. This Sunday many church leaders have banded together and the theme “Black Lives Matter”. That touched me, but the Christmas pageant sent me over the edge of grief.

      One thing as a mother I’ve learned is all my sacrifices were not for my children, but for myself. For me to learn to give unconditional love without expectation. To love my sons and do whatever I felt needed to be done for their happiness. I spoiled them, made them angry and I did the best I could to make sure they were satisfied.

      They will never know the sleepless nights and tear filled days I have had praying and worrying about them every minute. What I realized is I did have expectations for all that I did for my children.  I guess somewhere along the way I should have told them, right?

      I had made a decision last night this sadness and lonely feeling had to stop. I am blessed to be in a place where I have loved ones, but being resistance to change I wanted what I thought I wanted. I wanted to be with my sons in California where the closest thing to family I have is. Not knowing how else to handle my feelings I allowed myself to slip back into a few bad habits to hide from the emotional distress.

      What brought me to my knees was a part of the Christmas pageant when the mother was at the Alter and the son was in hell screaming at her for not saving him. And it hurt my heart because I have been that mother for thirty years trying to save the soul of my first child that I love more than I can even explain.

     The child that has kept me on my face before God asking for a change. The one man who has hurt me time and time again, yet I still cry for his soul and still forgive and love him.  The first born child that I let down because I wasn’t able to heal his broken heart because mine was already in tatters when he was born.

      The pains bursting with every memory of a past Christmas, Sunday morning hustles, cuddling and watching movies, rubbing a head to soothe a bad day and cooking meals knowing there would be no leftovers. Then to make it seem worse, I was feeling like I, once again, disappointed God because of my inability to keep up with a blog. A simple task, but not having enough energy to put any of what I study down for anyone.

       Despair and despondence my cloak when I am alone. Hoping the prayers and tears have touched God’s heart. Knowing I can start over again, but isn’t that we all do every day? Thankful for each new mercy and grace God supplies.  Finding no comfort in the foods I’ve used to soothe my hurting soul.

      The only thing keeping me from falling into a pit of disappointment is my sincere desire to serve God and to help others. Not for fame or fortune seeking only to hear when I meet him face to face. “Well Done Lexi”. Yet here I am sitting here not even sure if I’m going in the right direction.

It was after I had my own little praise service, I heard clearly; why are you trying to convince yourself you failed?  Feelings of frustration loomed from not seeming to be reaching anyone other than myself. Was it my goal to have a lot of followers or was it my goal to get to the truth for myself? 

      The day was speeding by, but gladly while watching Bishop Jakes admit that during his journey he had many moments of wanting to quit. I knew taking this step would bring about challenges and I thought I was prepared, but not as much as I thought. I was so excited about the opportunity to share until I realized no one was reading. Again, feeling like this was all just wasted time and energy, but there was something inside that keeps me pushing forward. Pushing past the pain, pushing past feelings of inadequacy, hoping that I’m able to touch one person than I will have done what I set out to do,   

      So putting me aside, I will keep plugging along with the hopes someone out there is encouraged. Struggling Sunday! Smooches~~

Far Above Rubies

     What is your price? Well I’ve always said mine is far above rubies, which happens to be my birthstone. I found an interesting bit of information about the origin of birthstones.  The idea was derived from the breastplate for Aaron that had four rows with three gems representative of the twelve tribes of Israel. 

     Exodus 28: 15-21 "You are to make a breastpiece for use in making decisions, a the work of an artistic designer; you are to make it in the same fashion as the ephod; you are to make it of gold, blue, purple, scarlet, and fine twisted linen. It is to be square when doubled, nine inches long and nine inches wide. You are to set in it a setting for stones, four rows of stones, a row with a ruby, a topaz, and a beryl- the first row; and the second row, a turquoise, a sapphire, and an emerald; and the third row, a jacinth, an agate, and an amethyst; and the fourth row, a chrysolite, an onyx, and a jasper. They are to be enclosed in gold in their filigree settings. The stones are to be for the names of the sons of Israel, twelve, according to the number of their names. Each name according to the twelve tribes is to be like the engravings of a seal.

     That was not where I was going, but chances are I will go there deeper soon. In my heart I’d like to believe that I meet the standards of the Proverbs 31 woman, if I am honest with myself, I’ve got a long way to go. I’m still waiting to hear my children call me blessed. Now that my children are grown, one calls me anything but blessed and the other never even calls.  Funny thing there are other people’s children who feel that way about me, but the ones I gave birth to seem to take me for granted.

     Then something was revealed to me I’d never seen in the many times I’ve read this passage. This time what I read made me weep. Weep for all that I have never experienced. How was I to aspire to be a virtuous woman when the things required of her I don’t have in me and never had a husband who I could give me heart, mind, body and soul.

     I have been and will continue enjoying the festivities surrounding me with a wounded heart. One thing I found to be clear in my reading and understanding the woman, Lemeul’s mother, wanted for him. A woman worthy to be blessed is one who has a happy countenance.  

     So, now when I asked myself this question, I now have a heartfelt answer, my price is true happiness. But now my question is what must I do to acquire my deepest desire, happiness? I’ve endured many painful experiences and great losses that I have still not recovered from. Some hurts are so deep that to touch on them would send me into the deep darkness of depression. I’ve been able to disguise my pain, yet I’ve also been able to have fleeting moments joy, peace and semblance of rest.

     I will always continue to study and give all praise to God as I stand hopeful of the promise of a latter rain.  With the emotions and the truths I’ve come to see it was difficult to study. I don’t know that to strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman is what is to be my course, but I will continuously strive to be a woman who loves with all my heart, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Take your pick...

When I say things kept getting in the way, I’m not exaggerating.  As expected, since I have decided to give the Lord, and anyone wanting to read, my first fruits “Here come the Tare”.  My plan was to move forward, but there is one more observation to share. Ephesians 6:16 comes to mind because the separation from the tare requires some effort on our part. I’ll wait while you read that one real quick.

Let me diagram my recent revelation:

Decision

Distractions

      Disappointment     Discouragement

Shield of Faith – Delete The dis’s Above

            The Dart quenchers

Discerning

Determination

Dedication

            That one is for free, but the rest is going to cost you. Now you have to read the rest of the lesson on the fruit of the spirit …LOL  Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”  I’d like to share a little irony for me that happened as this lesson was revealed to me. First, I LOVE FRUIT! The other is my Spiritual name for my prayer group is Fruit. Anyway on with some serious stuff.

As far as I know Scientists have not developed a tree that bears more than one fruit at a time. I’ve yet to see an orange-peach tree. Same principle applies to the “fruit of the Spirit”.  There is only one quantifying Love; God’s. Joy is joy; peace is peace, etc. Each element of Spiritual fruit may have a variation, but there is only one!

A question could be how is that applicable when there are nine things mentioned? Glad you asked, cause a tree bares one type of fruit until death. Trees also develop and mature and with each new blooming comes a new element being add to the whole tree. Now understand one other thing about the tree, the branches are key. The only example that seems to draw the picture clearly is the fruit at the top after many blooms will be full of all the elements the grower desires. The lower branches may only be have a few of the characteristics, but still one tree. To apply it to how this walk may progress for some is like this; the morning harvest will depend on which level of the branches you pick. Some days your reach may be mid-level, but as long as you are tending the other levels can be harvested later.

An important fact to remember is the elements don’t just happen, there has to be a tending of the tree. Getting to know someone or something requires time, effort and dedication (there’s that dart quencher again). So, I’ll ask are you tending your tree?

Like Cain, are you picking from the branches that require little or no effort to reach in the mornings? Where are you gathering your first fruits? I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m climbing the ladder every chance I get. I want to live each day FULL! Psalm 16:11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. I hope I tied this all together enough, but will see what happens. Happy tree tending Thursday! Smooches~~

Jump, Shout, Let it all out pt2

     Thanks for stopping back for the rest of this study. Now let’s get into the meat of the matter. Matthew 13: 24-30 Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away.  When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared. ‘The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? W here then did the weeds come from?’ ‘An enemy did this,’ he replied.“The servants asked him, ‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’ ‘No,’ he answered, ‘because while you are pulling the weeds, you may uproot the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.’” 

     As I was reading through chapter 13 this was the parable where I found the most meat.  Then reading a little further in the chapter Jesus gives an explanation/meaning of this parable.  Matthew 13:37-39 “ He answered, “The one who sowed the good seed is the Son of Man. The field is the world, and the good seed stands for the people of the kingdom. The weeds are the people of the evil one, and the enemy who sows them is the devil. The harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are angels.”

     Before I go any further I need to take a minute to explain one thing that is mostly forgotten about the spirit of God. I recall hearing many worship singers and ministers say the Spirit is a gentleman and will not come where not invited.  John 14:26 “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you”

     Here is where things get a little complicated.  Now if the wheat is growing in God; the tare is also growing in the knowledge of how the Spirit operates.  How smart would it be if the wheat could be deceived by one who appears like itself?  How easy is it for us as people to relate to someone who looks or acts or sounds like we do?

     This when it is most import to operate with the spirit of discernment. To be able to distinguish the wheat from the tare the parable leads us to believe the power of the angels is necessary. Well the thing most of forget is in Psalm 8:2-5 David speaks to God and confirms that the son of man was made a little lower than the angels. So, if we are in fact endowed with the spirit, we should have the ability to detect the tare without much effort.

     When I looked back through the scriptures for the actions or the results of being filled with the Spirit of the Lord, what I found was even more fascinating than I had ever learned.  In the Old Testament the spirit of the Lord is discussed and in every instance the spirit was full of wisdom, knowledge, peace, calmness and tranquility.  The utterances given and just about every occurrence those filled speak with prophecy.

     Let me just point out one thing here, Matthew 13:26 “But when the blade was sprung up, and brought forth fruit, then appeared the tares also.”  As we grow and are endowed with the wisdom and knowledge of God and we are walking in our ministry the enemy has been right there and knows what areas are our weakest and that is when it becomes more apparent who/what is the tare.

     Because until we bare fruit then the enemy is content to just hang with us and not be a problem. Once you’ve taken that step of faith, spring up, the enemy will be right there like a mirror image reversed. For every step the tare will be there to entangle your roots, the knowledge given that allowed you to spring forth, but the beauty is once you’ve cried out to God he will send his angels to rid the kingdom of the tare.

     ‘When I think about the word “tare” all I can imagine is being pulled away from something and in all actuality that is exactly what the tare does.  It tries to separate us from other wheat to tare us away from our purpose and God’s promises to us. The other thing I noticed about tare is it not only grows with the wheat, but it grows intertwined with the wheat. So much so, that a reaper would have to kill the wheat to get rid of the tare until the wheat is fully matured.

     After much time and meditation it is simply this, no matter what you have done or what you struggling with or the hindrances we’ve been taught keep us from God, NOT SO! If God planted you, he already knows what will distract you, but hold on and just keep being that stalk of wheat. Watch the actions of the tare and you will not see: Galations 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

     Tomorrow I will do my best to expound on the fruit of the spirit. Just something to think about is the word fruit is singular. With that I pray you’ve received something for my words and find peace through the night. Jumped, shouted and let it all out Monday! Smooches~~

Jump, Shout, Let it all out!

               One thing that was always disturbing to me is when I would find myself in a church service where the praise and worship leader and singers are trying so hard to usher in a spirit of praise. What they don’t seem to realize is that they are losing the few that may be ready with the repetitive unfeeling songs.

                Having been a Praise and Worship singer one of the things taught was never force the worship. The one thing we always had to do was pray to get on one accord, which sometimes, no matter how much effort put into, it may not happen with the proposed group of singers. It is so difficult at times to come into an atmosphere that is stifling and try to force the praise of a God we know is worthy of all praise.

 Then sometimes I think for too many years the church pulpit has been a stage for some to perform. To garner the trust of the people with a good emotionally stirring sermon. As I was studying and all night I found myself wrestling with something that has been on my mind for a very long time.

One of the things which has come to be expected for some to qualify the service as good is when the “Holy Ghost” has control of the service. For decades the Pentecostal ways of praise have been held as the standard by which we praise. What is considered is the day of Pentecost that has been assumed to have occurred at Azusa Street.

I will forever be thankful to my first Pastor who hammered into us how important it is to study the word. To find out for yourself what God really says about a whole matter and not what has been interpreted by someone.  The study tools available today make it so much simpler to find and research is not as tedious.

Well what I’ve found is just that, things I’ve found in my quest to know God better and be a better servant for him. I was torn on what direction I wanted to take my blog and who I was ready to get flak from for my opinions and observations. Over the years even some of our most prolific evangelist have followed a pattern of service designed by men. By men looking at the time for means to spread the gospel. Men who understood fully the best way to get cooperation was to hit an emotional trigger. To stir up the emotions of people already disturbed by problems is easy when the right things are said.

I get so upset when God is portrayed to be like a genie in a bottle and with the right rub, your desire will be granted. Or even more upsetting is when God is made to be like an ATM, put in a hundred here and God will give you a tenfold blessing. I’ve heard that so many times and have actually given and honestly, still waiting on my return, let alone a tenfold return.  This is where I’m sure I will get the most disagreement from those so set in the ways of a denomination. God is not an ATM, God doesn’t make people lose control and go wild, the spirit is not many of the things we have seen demonstrated in many churches.

When I began to search the scriptures for certain things, not one of them could I find. For example I did not find any instance where when Jesus healed, did the afflicted person have a highly emotional reaction. Yes, there was excitement, like to woman at the well and perhaps the one leper who came back to say thank you. But I sometimes feel we have allowed the enemy to get us distracted by emotional reactions rather than God inspired revelation.

Okay, just so I can bring some to the same page I am on, let’s look at a few things the word tells us about the spirit of God and then we will take a look in-depth at each of the fruits of the spirit. If my ministry is to be one of teaching, please understand what I teach I had to learn first. It is not only the student that will either accept or reject, but as a teacher sometimes I’ve been forced to look at the hard things and have to stand alone because precedent has been established and no one wants to disrupt. Well thank God, Jesus didn’t care about precedent, but he came to change that. To shake things up, to get people past emotional response and get the real spiritual answers.

This is one of things I believe has been a block for me to step out, the one to have to share the hard things. The one to shine a light on some of the areas we’ve allowed to be clouded with deception and cunning.  Really it wasn’t until the parable in Matthew 13, the wheat and the tare, was shown to me that I was able to see a deeper answer to one of my questions. Jesus told the disciples God put the wheat and the enemy placed the tare together, but what is missed is God allowed it to strengthen the wheat and not for the wheat to take on the characteristics of tare.

Because I only have so many hours in a day and this holiday sapped me of a lot of it, I will pick this up after work and continue thru the morning on this subject until I feel a release. My desire is to have a new post daily to this blog, but it appears some days and some things on my heart may take more time to put together. That being said, please bear with me as I get rid of the tare in my days so I can present all I feel strongly in my spirit.

When I became aware that my call to the ministry was to be one of hard not wanted to be discussed truths. I recall sitting on my cousin’s couch and asking, why do I have to be the one with this message?  Laughing I said okay, I’m going to do a Jonah move. Well little did I know my whale was going to be the small secluded town of Hobbs, New Mexico. I reminded the Lord yesterday Jonah was only in the belly three days, so why must I still be in the belly. I had to laugh when I got the response, “Well Jonah got the revelation a lot faster than you did!”

So, now I go off to the bill paying portion of my day and hope if you find my study intriguing, please come back tonight for more. Jump, shout let it all out Monday!! Smooches~~

Wobble Worship!

     Now I understand why it was so necessary for me to go the San Luis Obispo. I thank God for giving me more. While I was moving some stuff to its appropriate spot, I caught myself doing my wobble worship. With my knees getting weaker, I have to get my dance on when the pain is masked with medication. The best part of this morning was I hadn’t had any medication!

     Then the word from Bishop Jakes “War Between Two Worlds” was definitely for my ears and my soul. The revelatory nuggets have increase my spiritual bank account. This set me off into a study mode, so the blog will be short and late.

      
     I love how time flies when you are doing something exciting! Well back to notes and books. Study Sunday! Smooches~~

Got the Music in Me!

     Thanksgiving Day had begun with listening to the new Fred Hammond and one of the songs got me going as I prepared to go to be with my other family here in New Mexico. I had made up my mind I wasn’t going to allow the things I miss to keep me from enjoying this holiday. It was actually easily obtained with the company and the fabulous meal.

     I decided I needed to start my morning with a replay of “I Will Trust”, as usual Fred Hammond did not disappoint. All nine cuts are good (added to my Christmas wish list).   Taking advantage of the holiday, I was also enjoying the best apple-caramel-pecan pie with my coffee. I began my regular Friday routine with a little different direction.  Because music is a part of me, deep in my soul. The study took me back further back than I had considered. My love of music almost leads me to believe my lineage is connected to Jubal, son of Lamech and Adah. Jubal meaning the father of all those who play the harp and the flute. Translated to the father of all music. Genesis 4:16-18.

     When I began looking up the name Jubal, all I kept thinking about was the word jubilation. I wanted to be jubilant and find every reason I could to rejoice for this day of giving thanks. Music has played an immense role in my life. From my desire to sing to writing while listening to a good mixture of my favorite gospel. My love is music and my passion is the written word, so for me putting them together…priceless.

     I have gone so far as to have playlists for all my moods. I have my pick me up list, writing music, get your praize on, back in the day and love songs. It didn’t surprise me to find music is mentioned in the Old Testament eighteen times and twice in the New Testament for doing exactly what I had been do my entire life. Growing up in Motown…yeah baby!  

     I’m not sure if it was the excess sugar this morning or what actually brought me to this amazing revelation. Not sure why it wasn’t clearer before. All the HOURS I spent yelling at the Lord I had to sound like nails across a chalkboard. Then a confirmation came as the light bulb went on - Kirk Franklin’s “Reason Why I Sing!”

     I wasn’t sure which direction this was going to go, but I knew the message is always first to me! Psalm 149:1-6a “Praise ye the Lord. Sing unto the Lord a new song, and his praise in the congregation of saints. Let Israel rejoice in him that made him: let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp. For the Lord taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation. Let the saints be joyful in glory: let them sing aloud upon their beds. Let the high praises of God be in their mouth,”

     Whether my voice is scratchy or I miss a note I’m grateful for the lesson. It is not so strange that the one thing I find annoying is exactly how I’m treating my Provider. Thankful for the love which pushes me past ineffective to productively moving in my purpose.

     So no longer will my high notes have the undertones of despair, loneliness and disappointment, but with a lifted voice I sing a new song of thanks. Thankful for the glimpse of what was and what is now. Not letting my memories out weight my awesome present. Surrounded by love, mercy, grace, peace, laughter and music!

All I can do is shake my head it took me this long to grasp such a simple concept. Better late than never, I suppose. Just singing a new song Friday! Smooches~~

Giving Thanks!

Alone, alone in this desolate place. Praying for the day I will once again see your face.

        The thoughts I share here are from the center of my heart and the slow burning in my soul. Painfully, I have to admit I had the most over blown pity party ever. There is not a day I don’t wake and give thanks. I don’t just do it once a year. This year for me the holidays were a dark cloud dissipating into 2014 holiday blues.  I’ve had these blues before, but this time it sucker punched me that I am alone!!

        One of the things I was able to do with my children was establish tradition. I would look forward to the hours in the kitchen chopping, cutting, mixing and tasting to some sweet gospel tunes (Fred Hammond or the Winans, most likely).  A home full of the robust aromas of roasting turkey, stuffing, collards, mac and cheese, rolls, sweet potato pie and peach cobbler.  The blaring noise of college football and commentators bubbly descriptions of the floats and marching bands of parades.  Walls dripping love with vibrations of laughter.

       It didn’t matter if we were going to Uncles or Aunties house for the day, the next day we had our family meal. It was usually eaten in the living room watching more football or some action movie. Dessert was the precursor to napping and my escape to the solitude of my room.  To comfortably fall asleep with the background sounds of my sons creeping in the kitchen for thirds and bickering over the cobbler.  Dreaming of the wonderful sounds of holiday love filling the air.

          Not this year and after I crept from under the blanket of despair, I caught myself humming. “Give thanks with a grateful heart. The humming turns to whispered singing. “Give thanks to the Holy One, Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son, And now let the weak say, "I am strong" Let the poor say, "I am rich, Because of what the Lord has done for us" Give thanks”

          I would to say that ended my pity party and I was totally revitalized, but that’s not at all how the week progressed. My well of tears was still very ready to spill and it did. A few more nights of rehashing my past, present and future. Speaking very harshly, no yelling at God to fix this mess I was calling my life. A life I’ve been believing God had called for his purpose.

          Believe it or not then I heard this voice asking me, well if that’s what you believe then why all the juvenile behavior?  I couldn’t even come up with a good answer. Being a single mother I learned how to keep it together, mostly.

          It was even difficult write about my pain, so I cried myself to sleep. Then it hit me! I’d stopped believing God could consider me worthy of anything I had dreamed about. To some degree I was giving up on my dreams and stopped hoping for more than what I had, because I was getting what I deserved.

         I had to get on my face and cry out to Him. I wanted to be worthy, to serve him, to speak into the lives of others, but how could I do that, when I am so bound up by my life circumstances. Then this scripture popped into my head:

Romans 7:22-25 “For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.  Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.” 

          Honestly, this really didn’t help me feel any better until I read a little further.  Romans 8:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” 

         This gave me a little solace, because all I want to do is serve God and be the best servant I can. To learn to stop condemning myself before him and work more diligently. The idea was like a PowerPoint presentation. One more reason to be thankful!! The ability to have opportunity to share is simple. I’ve become such a Facebook junkie to expand was never a thought; until now.

         I heard clearly Blog. It doesn’t matter if anyone reads my words, I have to be obedient and share. To some it may seem like a logical answer. Well, maybe it is, but for me this venue is a step of stretching my faith. Removing the walls I’ve been hiding behind and give what is in my heart to share.

          It’s incredible how often I forget when I do what is asked the things I need are taken care of. My feelings of being alone are still there, but this past week I was reminded, even in this place, I am surrounded with love. Thankfully the blues have faded and a new journey has begun, as I step.

I hope everyone reading this has a safe, festive and lovefilled Thanksgiving! Smooches~~

Welcome to Lexi's Love Letter 

I've been asking God to use me and allow me to utilize my gift, but I have felt stunted because of where I am currently residing.  I want to step out in faith with this new adventure.  It will mean being completely honest with myself and stepping up my self discipline.  

So as I prepare for the launch of my new Ministry Blog, pray with and for me.  I hope you will feel free to share your honest thoughts and comments.  I am more than willing to have open and honest dialog with any one.  See you all after Thanksgiving!