I knew, without seeing any x-ray, my condition was bad. Hearing the condition was stage four, my heart skipped a beat, then began to race as he began discussing treatment and ultimately his opinion that total knee replacement was absolutely necessary as soon as possible. Then he began explaining more extensively why it was necessary to have the surgery, but letting me know he wouldn’t force me. He also recommended I see my regular Doctor to have him begin looking at my back because of the misalignment of my knees. I asked if replacement could be put off for five more years, his facial expression and the way he shook his head no, I knew this was more serious than I was ready to accept.
As he was telling about what to expect for the recovery time and physical therapy time frame, my mind flashed back to the twelve year old me. The feeling of being petrified and alone being rolled into an operating room for the first time, crying for my mom, panicking and more frighten than I had ever been. I still remember my Doctor telling me my parents weren’t there, but everything would be okay. The words made no difference and their efforts to calm me were fruitless. Then the doors at the end of the hall opened and in a camel colored full length coat walking swiftly towards us was my step-father. He came to my side, took my hand and said it’s going to be alright, I’m here and will be here when you wake up. After his kissed me on my cheek, I calmed down enough so could finally roll me on to surgery.
After the success of the first surgery I was told all that I would NOT be able to do. The second surgery went as well as the first and again it was reenforced all that I would NOT be able to do, I worked hard to rehabilitate and somehow from deep within I found determination to work past this disability. I was told I would not be able to walk long distances, ride a bicycle well, wear high heels, dance, participate in physical education; all of which I did, often with painful consequences.
In high school, I completed the full 20 miles for March of Dimes Walk-a-thon (my feet hurt just as much as the knees on that one, blisters and all). I was a league bowler and loved roller skating. Heck, I even went skiing! I was a cheerleader, a night club waitress and danced every chance I got (most times in high heels). High-heels, please I have big legs and heels worked wonders…LOL I played with my babies. I crawled around, sometimes painfully, to play and see them smile. When I say I walked, I mean I walked as much as I could. As time passed the pain became more constant and Tylenol was always handy.
Cold weather and rainy weather were my worst enemy. I’d usually fain tiredness rather than admit to anyone the level of pain I was experiencing. Most of the people in my life don’t even know each step I took was a step in pain. That to kneel was excruciating, but I did it at every prayer meeting for as long as I could. There were times I wanted to shout to the world how much pain I was in, but nope not Lexi.
I don’t know about anyone else but living with chronic pain for years and years, but it became a source of my strength. I knew if I could endure this I should be able to endure anything (Believe me, I have. I am just realizing how much I have endured). Since my first surgery, I can honestly say, I have had pain at all levels. Because over the years the only thing Doctors would tell me was to ice when the swelling was bad and prescribe Vicodin for the pain or advise taking some OTC pain reliever. So when this Doctor said the first treatment we were going to try was cortisone shots, yeah I freaked out a little, but I was willing to try anything, except surgery!
The Medical Assistant told me I could expect some pain and possibly some bruising around the injection area. I laughed because pain was my thing…LOL Anyway, I had immediate relief and no pain at the injection sites. It felt so good to get in and out of a car without having winch or groan. It felt good to be able to sit without needing to hold on something. Oh, and getting up was a breeze. I was feeling like I did in my twenties when the pain was slighter.
Being a little bit skeptical, I just knew by evening time I would be right back to cracking and aching. Surprise, surprise as the evening progressed the better I felt. The more I moved my knees the less they ached. Still being skeptical I knew by morning I would be back to what had become normal.
Well low and behold, when I got up to do my middle of the night bathroom visit I jumped out of bed. I mean JUMPED!!! I have not jumped out of my bed in ages, almost forgot what that felt like. When I came back to bed I sat on the edge of my bed and cried. I cried myself to sleep, but these tears weren’t because of pain, but of unexplainable joy.
When I asked friends to pray for me I was actually hoping God would give me a miracle. Well I have what to me is just as comparable. I have no pain and for me this is a long awaited miracle. Now I am going to try to see what long term side effects of cortisone are, because if I can get this much relief after one day, I want to use this method as long as possible. Anything to keep from being cut on again.
I wished I could fully explain what this treatment has done not just for me physically, but emotionally. Even with all the love I have in my heart for God and believe in him, my physical mind was tired. No my mind was exhausted! I have been in more healing lines than I care to think about seeking a touch from God. Well he did, through the hands of this Orthopedic Surgeon.
When I got up this morning I really thought the effects would have disappeared, but Hallelujah – NOT SO! I hope that I can put this in a way even a child can understand. I DANCE LIKE DAVID DANCEd! I mean I did my cha-cha step without pain, I did a spin and a quick slide to the left then the right. AND NO PAIN!!!
I can only speak for myself, but having endured pain for so long it had taken its toll on my emotional state more than I thought. I knew some of the moments of depression stemmed from living with constant pain. I also knew some of my feelings of failure and inadequacies came from being disappointed by unanswered prayers. It seemed the more I asked for a healing the more I hurt.
This sudden release from a chain that had me bound for years opened a gusher of tears and emotions. It wasn’t so much that I’m healed as it is I can endure a little more because I am generally pain free for the first time since I was 12!!! If I could allow you inside my head I think you would be running from all the electrical sparks jumping freely. Okay the best way I think to hammer this point is give an analogy.
The only thing that comes to mind is a jack-n-the-box. The little clown is trapped inside a cramped space and has to rely on someone to crank and crank until the top opens. Out pops the clown and bounces with joy at the new found freedom. With arms outstretched and excited to be released from the object that restricted his vision and movement. Yeah, I would say that is pretty much how I am feeling right about now.
I’m free from the pain that restricted my vision and my movement. I can move about the cabin freely…LOL Pain, no matter if it is for a long period of time or a short period of time, distorts your prospective. Then if you add medications to the equation, more distortion. Sort of like wearing a corset all day and then removing it at bedtime. See, while wearing a corset you can move around, but the feelings of being squeezed is not relieved until the corset is removed. I hope that clears it up a little.
It’s going to be an amazing month as long as this cortisone is giving me relief and mobility! Thank God for the Doctor and the cortisone! Don’t mind me when you see me stop in the middle of the aisle at Walmart and do a little two-stepping. I’m going to dance like David every chance I get!!! NO MORE PAIN = MY GAIN - A FREED MIND AND NOW THE REST CAN FOLLOW! Smooches~~
