Detoured for an Extra Blessing!!

Just when I thought my focus was going to be all about novel #2 and here I get this inkling to check out something. It really stemmed from a conversation I was having with a friend. As we were talking I heard clear pay attention to what you say. Because for years I’ve heard and used this particular scripture hoping to comfort someone dealing with material loss. I’ve even been guilty of using Job’s story to show how God will “restore”.

Then I realized I was way off track and was misinterpreting a verse because I never once took the time to look at the entire chapter, let alone the verse preceding it. I’m talking about Joel 2:25. Because of not reading the scripture in the context and keeping in mind the development of civilization. I was messed up!!! Because this had been taught to me incorrectly, not explained to me correctly. Oh heck, it was just wrong. The fault lies with me because I should have been more diligent, prayed and asked for Godly wisdom. Which really just means I should have read it for myself a long time ago.

The first time someone used this scripture in an effort to console me was after I had lost everything I owned which had been in a storage. Understand, this wasn’t the first experience I had already had with loss, but it was the first big one after I chose Christ. The first one where I had nothing to show for the previous years of hard work and struggle to obtain what I did have.

I believe the person who told me was operating from what they had always been taught. I was told this was a promise to me that God would restore all that I had lost. Well, I took that to be a literal promise. This misinformation really was a huge stumbling block in my walk for a long time. Because I kept waiting for all the sentimental items to be returned. The things I had set aside to pass on to my children.

Let me back up here for a brief moment of revealing more about me. A truth about my thoughts about my worth were as such, I felt like I was never going to ever succeed enough in the work force to live a life beyond living paycheck to paycheck. Not because I didn’t know my intellect was excellent and I grasp new information rather quickly. I knew what my capabilities were, but I also knew as a single mother my focus was forced into many directions.

The other self-imposed obstacle was because I had failed at achieving one of my most important goals. I began to expect more of the same, no matter how much I’d try. This failure became my bench mark. A benchmark I allowed to distort my self-image and lowered my expectations of how far I would rise, if I rose at all. I almost had convinced myself the reason I never remained at a particular level of success was because I didn’t deserve more.

Never did it enter into my mind God wasn’t like that, He isn’t rewarder with punishment attached. If the word says He will do something He will do it! Not to my specifications, but to a standard beyond my comprehension. Not based on past performance, not on current behaviors, no matter how improved, and not on my social status.

See what happened was after several years I had started over, again setting aside things to pass on to my children. Nothing with a monetary value, but full of sentiment and my connection to memories. That was all I thought I would be able to leave my children as my legacy. I had convince myself the only thing my sons would inherit from me were those things they have from genetics.

I can’t even count the times I would yell to God, my name wasn’t Job! Mostly because I was really deeply hurt that what I was taught about a loving and forgiving God wasn’t and hadn’t worked for me. No matter how I tried to sow my way out, work my way out, the blessing of getting back what I lost wasn’t happening.

See now I think I understand something more about all the times this same scenario kept happening is because I had missed it. I was waiting on God to RESTORE, but now there were more things of sentimental value lost. Simmering just under my praise was an unvoiced, unacknowledged anger and doubt.

I prayed for restoring. I prayed for latter rain! I prayed for just a little bit of disposable cash to get my children into college or heck it would have been nice to allow them to play sports. I prayed for lack and need to be loosed off my life. I prayed for stability. I prayed, once again, to be restored.

I thank God for every time I’ve had to let go of things acquired and begin again, but the hurt of losing things which were priceless, but highly sentimental has still to this day not dissipated. However, now I have a better understanding of what the Lord has promised me.

See I took the time to read and to seek Godly wisdom. Maybe my enlightenment will help or maybe even be laughed at. Honestly, not a concern for me because I got it and my relationship with God is just that, between me and God.

Okay, I will explain what allowed me to get untwisted and to lean more on God without using a worldly crutch. It’s simple to me now, but I could kick myself for taking twenty something years to get it. To restore has a lot of different meanings depending on the context. But the meaning that shook me to my core was restore - bring back into original existence, use, function, or position.

When I sit down and count all the losses, which in my heart and mind were great enough to break me and leave me in shattered little pieces. Pieces that looked on the outside all in place, strong and unbreakable. Yes, I confess to still keeping my outward looking well while inside was like a whirlpool of pain.

See, the truth is Job was never restored, HE WAS RENEWED!! He didn’t get that which God had allowed slough-foot to take away. He was not restored to his social status, he was elevated. That is not restoration that is renewal. Truth is I don’t ever want to go back to my original beginning, I am asking God for renewal because I already know he can help me re-build, now I want what Job got. I want renewing and elevation! I’m ready

Well I think I got it all out, so now back to bookwork!! Have a blessed weekend!

Dreaming, Writing and Dreaming some more!

Well I’m about half way through the book.  In reviewing my rough draft, I realized I had written more than I thought.  I finished two chapters over the weekend, actually finish the last of the second chapter early this morning.  I didn’t realized I had already had two of the later chapters filled in.  Now, I will have to read last year’s stuff to see if the characters still want to follow that path. 

Yes, my characters have a life of their own in my head.  If I can continue at this rate I will for sure make end of August deadline.  So, I said all that to let anyone who takes time to read my blog, I will be more lax now than when I was ill. I have such a good feeling about this novel!! I can’t wait to see how these lives will grow, develop and reach a Godly ending!!  Thank you for your patience and support.  Now back to Dream Watcher, I hope you all be watching for this title in a bookstore near you this fall.