I woke up this morning and I had to admit to myself I was more bound up by some of the teachings I’ve taken to heart. Sad to say that things that have been disseminated over the pulpit have kept me captive instead of being an example to those around me that I am free. John 8:32 “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
I’ve been blessed to encounter those I admire to be there to help me have an opening of my vision. I can sing loudly, I was blind, but thank God I now see. The questions I’ve been asking myself and God have been answered in a way I wasn’t expecting or the way I wanted them to be answered. Let me remember His ways are not mine!
I was shown over the last few days, my mouth is my biggest problem. I’d let myself slip back into old patterns and unfortunately, old conversation with people I’m comfortable with. I’ve allowed all that I’d been shown the last two years be covered with a sense of comfort. It didn’t occur to me that it is still important to be careful what I hear and how I allow those things to affect my spirit.
Instead of edifying those who come to me with their issues, I was falling into the issue with them and they weren’t even mine to bear! Instead of being encouraging I allowed the spirits that were binding them to bind me, but what I didn’t realize is the binds for me were greater than those who brought them to me.
Since I’ve not been required to go into the office, I’ve lost my routine. In my fit of rage I had destroyed the Altar I had dedicated for my prayer time. In other words, I had allowed my circumstances to cause me to be derailed. I wasn’t even trying to recover, I’d become content or comfortable with this failure and was making no genuine effort to move forward.
In my mind I had determined this was God’s plan and this was how things were supposed to be. I’d gone as far as I was physically able and this was the spot I was to try to stop the nightly tearful prayers and the losses of the past and just settle in this uncomfortable place. Not that I’d lost hope, but I’d lost my momentum and drive to move forward.
It wasn’t a pity party, but it was a loss of determination to bring about change. I wasn’t willing to expend any more energy on what I felt was useless. I had allowed my dreams to only be for when I closed my eyes. Because dreaming of something better was only making me more frustrated when I was watching them all crumble.
Then I was smacked in the spirit by a very powerful prayer and my eyes were opened to this new trick the enemy had been using against me. Glory to God, Ephesians 3:11 resounded so loudly in my head; “Put on the whole armour of God that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.”
I didn’t even realize not only had my choice to relax in my communion with God, but I had become temporarily ignorant to the ways the enemy used to hold me back. A lot of this was because I was taking to my heart the circumstance of friends and family that were so used to coming to me for strength.
I didn’t even realize how bound up and involved I was with others issues and compounded with my own, I had lost my enthusiasm. Laden with cares of this life and not relying on the one cares for me. It is like being in a goldfish in a bowl and seeing everything distorted.
The blessing came when I began to pray every morning a pray given to me by a man of God I respected. It was for the first time I recognized everything I was doing was detrimental to the outcome God has planned for me. I realized my dreams were to come to pass because He was the giver of those dreams.
So, being rejuvenated and redeemed, I take this time lost to be credited to my account as something stolen by the enemy. Waiting for my eagle mounting period to come with peace and determination restored. Wasted too much time Wednesday! Smooches~~
