My year has started out with multiple challenges and I have to admit these challenges gave me pause. I tried to figure out why, what and how I was going to make it through this test. Just when a wonderful opportunity presented itself, my means to move into this opportunity were being diminished.
To say I accepted this blow with grace and faith would be an outright lie! For a moment I was drenched with fear, sadness, and immense doubt in the vision God gave me about this year. These challenges are not insurmountable, but it made opportunity seem to be being pulled out of my grasp. The chance to do the one thing I love is all I’ve been asking God to give me.
These last few years I’ve had many hours of self-reflection in trying to determine what my true purpose is and why I wake up every day. Admittedly, it seems each time I feel I’m getting closer to accomplishing a goal the challenges or distractions cause me to slip into complacency. The vigor in which I was trying to move into my purpose or what I perceive as my purpose was becoming stunted.
I’ve known since I was a little girl I was meant to write and teach. The games we played I was always the teacher. I would make up homework sheets and lesson plans. As a young girl I always knew I was smart and school was pretty easy for me. It makes me smile when I reminisce of the days when my older sister would have me help her with her homework. The one memory that sticks out is when my sister was in high school taking French, she had me help her. I had no business at ten years old doing that, but I found it was easy.
For so many years I tried to be like my sister until she reminded me she was the pretty one and I was the smart one. Yes, I was a chunky geek or nerd and did whatever I could to try to fit in. It never occurred to me these things were a gift I should be proud of. Mostly, because I was ostersized by my peers and disassociated myself from family because I never felt a part of them.
All of this made me a veracious reader. One of my favorite classes was Mrs. Edwards’ Library Class because it gave me access to books about everything. I devoured Greek mythology, Egyptian, German, Roman and African American History. At one point I wanted very much to be an archeologist, but my knee issues dashed that.
Sorry I digress, anyway I was feeling a little hopeless and discouragement was trying to creep in. Then I was watching Bishop TD Jakes and hope began to bubble as the tears began to fall. I had to figure out what was holding me back from walking into my destiny. His message was just what God ordered to help me refocus and revive my thought process.
The blessing and signs didn’t stop there. A couple of hours later I get a call from my pride and joy, my baby boy. This child of mine has always been a source of strength for me and this conversation was no different. My son became the parent and the encourager I needed at this moment. He reminded me not to allow anything to crush my dreams! He shared his testimony of getting his car after five years of stating he would have it. His positive outlook made me so proud of him and renewed my heart. He reminded me of all the times I had shared a few of my desires and how they came to pass.
All I kept hearing in my head was my favorite scripture Isaiah 40:31. So, I will continue walk and not faint and soon, very soon I will soar like an eagle as I wait on God to fulfill his words to me; that my dream shall be fulfilled in 2015. Stepping Sunday! Smooches~~
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