I’ve been privileged to have a very wide circle of friends as I’ve traveled. One thing that has been plaguing me is how easy it is to slip into bad behavior. Then as I was praying the one thing that kept running through my mind is, “It’s okay, just repent”. Then I began to lean to my own understanding and then I heard very clearly, “Stop using my grace and my love as an excuse to continue to commit sin. See, in my leaning I was stretching the last half of Psalms 119:11 “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.”
This now forced me to take a long look at who I was surrounding myself with, how I was walking into my ministry and if I was failing my God miserably. I could and have used the excuse that Moses was a murder, David was an adulterer and a murderer, Paul was a crooked tax collector; yet God still saw fit to use them. Well one thing I know is I love the Lord and my strongest desire, even above my writing, is to serve him!
It is easy to memorize scripture and quote scripture, but in my getting I’m finally getting the understanding. Colossian 1:9 “For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;” I know that for some the only bible or example of Christ they’ll ever know is by watching my actions and reactions.
How in the world had I allowed the old (wo)man to resurrect? When in my heart I believed back in 1989; Romans 6:6 “Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.” I wore this scripture out repeating it, hoping and praying I could be a better example. Before I had even realized or accepted God had called me according his purpose, I wanted and strived to be a good girl.
My desire was to be able to fulfill John 14:12 ” Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.” Because I believed, I wanted to be able to follow after Christ, cast out demons, heal the sick and bring others into salvation.
I didn’t want to be like the fig tree and not bear fruit at the appointed time. I knew the only way to do that was to hunker down and yet here I was some twenty-five years later and it seemed I was no closer to being pleasing to God nor really ready to call myself ready for the ministry.
Because my struggle was being able to keep my steps and behavior in line with the woman I wanted to be. I won’t try to blame my failures on the devil or peer pressure, but my lack of self-discipline. It became apparent every year I studied that the word is more accurate than anything I’d ever tried to learn. My biggest issue now was how I was conducting myself and how my language usage was less than acceptable for me, let alone God.
Again, my desire was to not just talk the talk, but truly walk the walk. 1 Peter 3:10-12 “For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it. For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil.”
I have chosen to ask a friend to help keep me accountable and now I fully understand Mark 7:15 “There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man” So no matter how difficult or how weird or peculiar I may seem I purpose to no longer allow my peers or environment to keep me defiling the beautiful temple God has blessed me with. Working every day to tame the mightiest member James 3:5-6 “Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell”.
Because the word is a source of hope I found peace and sound instructions, I now have a wonderful directive to keep in my head as I work on matching my walk with my talk. James 3:8-13 “But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh. Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.”. Fixing it Friday! Smooches~~
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