I’ve seen many seasons come to an end with the joy of knowing there will be the beginning of a new one. For some reason this season in my life has made me take a long look at where I have been and opened myself to the possibility of where I am going.
My heart is heavy and my eyes burn from holding back the tears. Because I am looked upon as strong, no one sees the hurt that comes with each good-bye. I keep telling myself this change is positive, but in my heart it hurts to think about some of the fractured and broken relationships I left behind.
I’ve become very accustom to change, but just because things change doesn’t mean I am ready to accept them from the start. I will have to adjust. Knowing it’s more about the newness that is coming and looking back I can smile and even chuckle at the times of the past.
I can’t even say I haven’t changed, because I know I have. In these last five years I have changed tremendously. I have learned to not pick up the phone to call my Mom. I have learned some people I love are still bitter and angry about past instances, disappointments. I have accepted, well sort of, my sons are grown and our relationships are very different. (Kind of useless to tell a grown man, even though he came out of you, what to do.)
I’m learning every day to accept that this walk I will have to do solo. I have many people in my heart, some who don’t even know I still care, but in my space they are just not there. I have learned how to be flat broke and still manage to find something to keep going for.
So today, this season of change is not one I wanted, but I know in a very short time I will move onto the next shifting God has planned for me. That’s all for now – need to work on next publishing project. The only thing I know for certain is God will not and has not changed. As the elders used to say – Hold on to God’s unchanging hand!
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